My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
