then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
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