so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
