so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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