Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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