So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
