So drunk its hurt
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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