just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
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