just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
