I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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