For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
