My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
