What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
