I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
