yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
