i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
