i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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