direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
