Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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