I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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