I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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