I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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