It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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