why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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