dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
