no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
