It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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