I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
