..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
