You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
