My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
