JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
