just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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