why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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