I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
