You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
