She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
