I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
