She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Operation Purity has been aborted
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
