Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My feet surprised me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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