Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
