Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
