I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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