somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
