There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
accomplished twins. life is a go
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
