Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
