haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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