My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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