I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
