cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
