How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's blow job season.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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