He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
