Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
